Getting Along in Home Fellowship Groups

Top Tips for Resolving Conflicts in Your Relationships

The lifestyle of home fellowship groups produces a tight-knit feeling. Indeed, an environment for iron sharpening iron – the ideal for building Biblical relationships. Most home fellowship groups spend long Shabbats together, feast days and strive to support one another. The groups are seldom large, as meeting in homes, tends to limit numbers. Small groups, spending much time together, striving to follow hard after their Father.

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Indeed, sounds lovely. But the truth is, we often rub each other the wrong way. There are controlling personalities, insecure folks looking to prove themselves, strong personalities pushing for good, while trampling other’s egos and feelings.

Frequently No matter how much you like another person, at some point, conflict is likely to happen. While most conflicts are fairly small (like music preferences), left untended a conflict can fester and grow. That’s why it’s so important to resolve conflicts in your relationships before they have a chance to take on a life of their own.

How do you go about doing that?

Start by listening – Seriously We Know this Can Be Difficult!

Many Hebraic minded home fellowship groups have one or more overly verbose members. Often, these are the same people at the heart of contentions growing within the group. Do your best to understand and love them, but don’t be afraid to erect boundaries.

Moreover, don’t just listen to the spoken words, but the feelings behind them. It’s the emotions that drive the conversation after all! By listening actively, meaning pausing to ask questions, clarify, and to reiterate what you think the other person is saying, you tell the other person that what they have to say matters. But more importantly, you’re letting them know that they’re being heard.

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Look for the resolution over being right, it’s okay to disagree in love.

Giving up the notion that you have to ‘win’ is where you start seeing the solutions. Conflict is not a competition.

Stay in the moment to resolve your home fellowship group’s conflicts.

Instead of focusing on what happened that brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what’s going on right now. Now isn’t the time for blame. Rather look for solutions.

Decide what’s important for your fellowship group right now.

That is called ‘picking your battles’ and is important in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over. Ask yourself if this is just an issue over a minor annoyance that will be easily forgotten, or if you have something deeper going on that maybe needs to be addressed.

Know how and when to disengage from individuals and/or home fellowship groups

That means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be forgiveness is in order. It might be that you’re just going to need to agree to disagree. Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the case, there’s nothing to be gained by staying in the conflict. 

Resolving conflicts isn’t a hard skill to learn. By following these tips, you will discover how better to deal with conflict in every kind of relationship – whether in your home fellowship, business or personal life.

So take heart – a misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead look at your conflict as a step toward better understanding that will, in turn, lead to better relationships in the long run.

More Tips and Tactics for Keeping Shalom in Home Fellowship Groups

Not every conflict in your group is one that needs to involve leadership. That’s not to say that leadership shouldn’t be made aware of issues. But when you’re dealing with the person that keeps scolding your child or the tension that came about as a result of that last Midrash, sometimes it comes time to deal with certain conflicts yourself. 

Resolving conflict in a home fellowship group can sometimes be an intimidating thing. For one thing, you can’t help but have that feeling that the person you’re having an issue with today might not be interested in resolving the conflict. Or, at the least, you might be paired with them for part of the Bible study or for a service project. Thankfully by practicing these tactics to resolve conflict, you can take back that feeling of peace that makes your home fellowship group a place where you have complete Shalom.

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Accept that there’s a conflict in the first place.

If you deny the problem, you can’t expect to find a solution. Start by taking that step back and admitting that yes, there’s a problem. Only when it’s acknowledged can you work toward a resolution.

“In cases where home fellowships are set up with no provision for church discipline, a very distressing and familiar pattern emerges. Some people are attracted to small groups for the wrong reasons. There are those who come to exploit others, or simply to use the group to become the center of attention.

Xenos.org

Home Fellowships Talk A Lot

In the home fellowship, it’s especially important that you discuss conflicts privately. Set up a time to talk where you’re less likely to be interrupted. Then be prepared to discuss the conflict rationally – without pointing fingers to assign blame. 

In these small groups gossip often gets the upper hand and when conflict starts brewing, folks tend to align themselves according to their own perceptions and feelings about the parties involved.

Rare is the person that wants to look at the facts and hear directly from the parties what the issues are. Somehow as humans, we want to hear through the grapevine and convince ourselves we are doing a good job of not getting involved.

Woe to those that talk and listen to detractors without being courageous enough to deal with their own unresolved issues.

Be an active listener in your relationships that are struggling.

Not only do you want to pay attention to what the other person is saying, but make sure you also understand what they’re getting at. To this end, ask questions. Rephrase what you hear them saying. 

Healthy friendships within home groups take a willingness to do the work. Bravery that few people exhibit, to be honest. It takes courage to speak up when you are frustrated or hurt. More so, it takes courage to listen, strive to understand and be willing to hear where you may have been in the wrong.

Want a home fellowship group that grows and matures together? Model humility and boldness in truth.

Your Home Fellowship Group’s Shalom

Look for the compromise or the answer that satisfies both parties if possible. By letting go of the idea of someone needing to be a ‘winner’ in the confrontation, you’re now able to look for a godly solution. Find the positives that you both agree on and work from there.

If you’re mediating someone else’s conflict – remember you’re the guide, not part of the problem. You’re there to help find a solution, not dictate your own. 

Each home fellowship develops its own style, the ones that end up in ugly splits are usually the ones without structure or leadership. Within Biblical structure and leadership, you can provide accountability and conflict resolution.

Quickly Resolve Hurt Feelings in Home Fellowship Groups

Remember that this conflict likely generated some hurt feelings. At the end of the whole process don’t forget to apologize. And don’t forget to forgive. 

By resolving conflict in the home fellowship group quickly, you help to create an environment that’s conducive to peaceful abiding together. Knowing these tactics will help resolve conflict in most situations.

That means if your conflict is with another member or even the leadership, you’re ready to handle the dispute in a way that’s both Yah honoring and calming. In the end, you’ll be able to enjoy a home fellowship group that is not only free of drama but where you can grow closer to Elohim and each other.

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