Tips for Resolving Conflict with Your Hebrew BFF
As members of a small minority faith, having a best friend in that same faith means the world. Our Chrisitan friends put up with us (or dump us), but a Hebraic thinking BFF can be gold! Read our tips on dealing with conflict with your BFF below.
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You absolutely love your Hebrew BFF, but if you have to put up with one more of her snide remarks, you’ll go crazy. So how do you resolve conflict when the person you conflict with is the very same person who’s always had your back? For whom you would do anything?
Getting into a conflict with a BFF is terrifying territory. When fights happen, they can go downhill fast. More often than not, it’s easier to just put up with whatever is causing the conflict.
Or so we think. But is that healthy? Is that a long term solution? You know the answer.
The good news is you can often resolve a conflict with your BFF – and you don’t usually have to end the friendship to do it. Self-awareness is key here if she has been avoiding conflict, but you know in your bones something is wrong – do a little detective work and praying. If you can go into conflict resolution with an introspective mindset, ready to own your part, you are more likely to save the friendship.
Tell your friend you’d like to talk – and listen!
That is perhaps the hardest step of all. Confrontation is difficult, and especially so when the outcome matters so very much. Here’s where you need to be bold and speak up.
Set up a ‘date’ for the two of you, where you can meet on neutral ground and be without interruptions.
That’s especially important because you want to convey to your friend that your time together is important to you, and you do genuinely want to listen to what they have to say. You need to listen if you love this person. Conflict with your BFF requires heart time.
When speaking your piece, remember to use “I” statements.
The focus on this part of the conversation is on what you’re thinking and feeling. You’re not here to accuse anyone of anything. Remember, the focus here is on what has caused you the frustration, and how that incident has affected you.
Now it’s your friend’s turn, and you get to listen.
Active listening is an important skill. By staying quiet and asking only questions to clarify, you show the other person that you care what they’re saying. When they’ve finished talking, repeat back what you heard them say so that you know for certain that you understood their point of view.
Look for the compromise, strive to understand.
It isn’t a competition, and you’re not out to ‘win’ – you’re here to save the friendship. Is there any common ground where you both had a mutual positive that you expressed? If so, is there some solution you can work around that?
If there is no solution, then ask yourself why.
Were you perhaps in the wrong? Or are they not ready to listen? If you’re dealing with a big issue (like you worry that they drink too much), it might be they’re not prepared to admit they have a problem. If you were wrong, maybe it’s time to apologize.
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”Proverbs 27:17
Resolving conflict with your BFF is hard work. Especially as a part of Hebraic fellowships. There is already undue strife and division it is easy for relationships to fall into that ugly void.
But in the end, it’s worth it.
Friendships tend to come out of conflicts stronger than ever.
That alone makes conflict resolution an attractive alternative to an argument, or worse, letting a conflict fester within you, for when that happens, your love dies within you. You’ll lose affection and, in the long run, lose the friendship.
“When friends disappoint or reject us, we might foster resentment and bitterness. In these times, we must ask God what to do, since those sins block our relationship with Him.”Messianic Bible
A little discomfort now in terms of talking and listening is well worth a relationship saved.Silver-Plated Yemenite (Kudu) Shofar