Build a Stronger Marriage Even if Unequally Yoked

Unequally yoked while endeavoring to walk the Hebrew faith? We love being in love. There is nothing quite so fulfilling as a close relationship with another human being. Sadly, there’s nothing quite so frustrating as when that relationship goes wrong.

Please note: some links are affiliate links, which means, at no extra cost to you, if you purchase an item from the link I may receive a small compensation.

If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for any length of time, you probably already have a list of all their behaviors that drive you crazy. Maybe it’s the way they leave laundry on the bedroom floor. Or the fact that they just drop the mail anywhere. What if you could fix all that?

The stress of being in a marriage in which only one person is walking the Hebrew path can be heartbreaking. Yeshua gives very clear guidelines on living with an unbelieving spouse – and while the spouse could be a follower of Jesus, one would do well to follow the plan Yeshua lays out.

 “Divorce is not the answer when a couple is unequally yoked in marriage with one seeking Torah and the other is not.  The solution is to be a living witness walking out the Torah, following our Creator to the best of our ability.”


However, regardless of it your marriage is hitting the. normal bumps of being one with another human, or if it is more serious and feels like unequally yoked marriage – there is hope. No, we’re not talking about ways to train the ones you love in new behaviors. Instead, we’re looking at how to become more accepting of your mate, to build a stronger relationship.

Silver-Plated Yemenite (Kudu) Shofar

Remember, You’re Not a Handyman

spouses unequally yoked

Simply put, it’s not your job to fix your mate. Tension rises when you start thinking that they’re the one that needs to change. When this happens, it’s time to step back, take a deep breath, and go back to the idea that your mate is your partner, not some fixer-upper.

And yes, this applies to all faith understandings and halakah also.

Create a No Judgment Zone

Intimacy happens when we drop our guard and let people see who we really are. This is impossible to do if you’re terrified that you’re going to be judged. By letting your mate know they’re in a safe place to share, that you’ll be accepting of them, the good and the bad, you invite them into a deeper relationship.

Sadly, prevalent within the Messianic Hebraic faith, we tend to think we have the answers and whine if only people would listen to us. It is not attractive in any way.

Choose Empathy in Unequally Yoked Marriage

Having a disagreement? Put yourself in your mate’s shoes. Is this how you’d want to be treated? When you catch yourself saying things you’d never want someone to say to you, it’s time to put on the brakes. Not sure what to say? Start from a place of acceptance, and the words will come.

Regardless of how closely you believe yourself to be following Torah, if you mate is not feeling your love – you are doing it wrong.

The Israel Bible Daily Inspirations

Don’t be a Control Freak

People are going to do things differently than you do. Don’t let your ego make you into someone who bullies others to get your way. When you accept your mate might not do things your way, remind yourself it’s okay. This acceptance is crucial to a happy relationship.

Don’t try to control your spouse’s faith walk, or how they celebrate the feasts. Or even how they eat or celebrate cultural holidays. You show them love and acceptance and in time they will choose to honor your beliefs.

Love Unconditionally in Unequally Yoked Marriage

When you fully accept someone for who they are, you can let go and love in ways you never thought possible. Love without conditions. You’ll be amazed at how they respond.

Remember, acceptance doesn’t mean becoming a doormat or giving approval to harmful or dangerous behaviors. It’s about realizing that some things are just part of what makes your mate who they are.

Silver-Plated Yemenite (Kudu) Shofar

Relationships are about give and take. If you want it to work, take some time to decide how to live with their less flattering traits, and then practice loving them in spite of their flaws. Or doctrine, or understanding or lack of faith.

Strategies for Becoming More Accepting of Your Unequally Yoked Spouse

When we seek to find true happiness, more often than not, the obstacles to that goal lie within ourselves. Our attitudes become our roadblocks, keeping us from enjoying fully the experiences waiting for us. 

The biggest culprit? The way we treat those around us. Particularly our spouse.

By becoming more accepting of others, we reframe our thoughts, as well as our feelings. We learn to let go of negative attitudes and dissatisfaction in our personal interactions and start to enjoy the process of loving unconditionally. We become happier with this one small change.

How do we go about doing that? Start with these six strategies:

Guard Your Thoughts

Acceptance begins with the thoughts going through your head. When you look at your spouse, what’s your first thought? Are you immediately judgmental? It might be time to examine some of these messages and ask yourself where they came from. Are you reflecting on what you’ve been told by parents or the media?

Remind yourself it’s up to you to develop your own thought patterns and guide yourself over to more non-judgmental thoughts. 

Learn to Look on the Bright Side

Seeing only the negative in the people around you, including your spouse? Find something positive to focus on instead. Ask yourself what you like about this person. Find their good traits or something you admire. Soon this will become a habit, leading toward a more positive outlook.


Avoid Black and White Thinking– are You Sure You Are Unequally Yoked?

The Israel Bible Daily Inspirations

There are a lot more gray areas in the world than one might think. Rather than insisting there’s a definite “right” and “wrong” to a situation, take a step back and ask yourself if this is truly the case. You’re going to find out not everything is so cut and dried. I’m not talking about moral relativism here, I am talking about pride.

Drop the Perfectionism

Frequently, when we expect a lot from ourselves, we likewise expect a lot from the people around us. Learn to let go of this rigid, perfectionistic thinking. This leads you to more acceptance of others and makes your own life more enjoyable.

Unequally Yoked? Live in the Moment

When you get caught up in the past, it’s hard to see the person where they are now. Maybe they’ve hurt the relationship before or done something else to genuinely wound you. Move on. Accept people for where they are today.

Put the Shoe on the Other Foot

How are you judging your spouse? Would you like it if someone had that thought about you? If you don’t like the answer, it’s time to change your thought processes.

By employing these strategies, you’ll find both your mind and your horizons expand. You’ll discover contentment you never knew was possible. Acceptance of others, regardless of your differences, makes life richer and fuller than you ever imagined.

And, dare I say, much more in line with the Word. Unequally yoked? Love.

Please note: some links are affiliate links, which means, at no extra cost to you, if you purchase an item from the link I may receive a small compensation.

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